Sovereign

Sovereign in the mountain air

Sovereign on the ocean floor

With me in the calm

With me in the storm

Sovereign in my greatest joy

Sovereign in my deepest cry

With me in the dark

With me at the dawn

In your everlasting arms

All the pieces of my life

From beginning to the end

I can trust you.

In your never failing love

You work everything for good

God whatever comes my way

I will trust you. 

if i had a dime for every time....

My whole teenage life, all I ever prayed for was for a blue-eyed fireman who loved Jesus to come into my life, and sweep me off my feet and ride me off into the sunset on his firetruck. On December 8th, 2014, that guy came walking into my life. Well actually, I came walking into his. We had met at a small restaurant in Greensboro, and he created small talk through Facebook until he finally got up the nerve to ask me if he could fix me dinner one night. On December 11th, 2014, I went to his place to eat pancakes and bacon. I remember he was wearing a blue plaid button up shirt, jeans, and boots. He looked so incredibly handsome and when he smiled, thats when I realized he had blue eyes. My heart began fluttering. When we sat down to eat supper, he grabbed my hand to pray over it and at that very moment, I was smitten. I knew he was the one. 

However, 4 months later, a curve ball that would derail our whole relationship would come our way. To me, everything was perfect in our relationship. Sure, we had our disagreements... but they didn't last long because we both found neither one of us could stay mad at the other for too long. On April 14th, he expressed some concerns about some things going on in his life, and by Wednesday, the 15th, he told me he needed to work on him and couldn't continue our relationship. I was/am heart broken. To me, he was the one. The one I had prayed for since I was in high school. The one who I wanted to have a family with. The one who I was going to be with until we were old with more grey hair. Now he is gone. He is dealing with the issues that caused him concern, and I am left with a lot of time to think. It's too bad you don't get dimes for the things you do over and over again, because at this point I would be looking at a fat bank account. 


*If I had a dime for every time he crossed my mind. I would have a dime that represented every single second of every single day. 

*If I had a dime for every time I cry each day. I would have enough change to buy a Dr. Pepper and some dark chocolate. 

*If I had a dime for every time I checked my phone for missed calls or messages from him. I would have enough dimes to represent every 5 minutes of the day. 

*If I had a dime for every time I check Facebook and Instagram to see if he's posted anything. I would have enough to buy myself a new super battery for my phone, because mine dies at least twice a day from staying on it. 

*If I had a dime for every time someone says "the right one will come along when you least expect it." I would have enough dimes to bribe someone to never say that to me again. 

*If I had a dime for every time I found my Jeep on "autopilot" to his place. I would have enough to fill my gas tank. 

*If I had a dime for every time someone tried to set me up with someone, I would have enough to take myself out on  date. 

*If I had a dime for every time I wished he would change his mind and come back to me. I would have enough dimes to pay for a brain transplant to make him think differently. 

*If I had a dime for every time I felt God closer then ever, with His loving arms around me, hugging me and reminding me that I'm never alone.... Priceless. 

"Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you." 

Deuteronomy 31:6

This has been one of the hardest couple weeks of my life, but thank goodness for verses like Deuteronomy 31:6 and Matthew 21:22, "And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive." I am learning that what I thought was the best route for my life is maybe not what He has chosen for me. Again, I find myself dealing with a broken heart, but I can feel God's presence in my life every single day. I can feel him leading and guiding me not only down the path that He has set out for me but I can also feel Him mending my heart slowly but surely. 

Coffee Makes Me Smile!

I gotta blank space...

So, its gonna be  f o r e v e r ... or its gonna go down in flames.

ZzZzZzZzZ

“I love sleep.                                                                                                                                                My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?”

-Ernest Hemingway

Late Night Overthinking Kills.. Or Maybe Not

They say late night overthinking, kills. Well if that's the case, I should have died a long time ago. I am a worrier, and find myself thinking and worrying a lot during times when I should be asleep.

The last couple weeks have given me many things to think about. Notice, I didn't say "worry" about. At the start to my "last couple of weeks" I thought for sure that I was about to face the hardest and saddest times I've had in a long time. I was going from getting to spend my birthday and all the upcoming holidays with someone I love and have loved for a while to everything falling apart very quickly and knowing that all my time would be spent alone. 

Well.... The days past, my birthday came and went, Thanksgiving came and went. And here I am, a stronger and happier person... I quickly realized that the times I thought would be the longest and saddest times of my life, turned out to be the biggest eye opening times I've ever had. I learned that even though there may be one person who decided he no longer wanted to spend time with me, there are so many others who do want to. There were literally hundreds of people who not only made my birthday happy but caused me to see that "who cares if that one person no longer wanted to talk to me, look at all these other people who do want to!" 

What I thought would be the hardest weeks of my life, turned out to be the best time that something so sad could have happened to me, and it makes me so thankful for the people who choose to be in my life right now! 

#thankful

Yep, pretty much.

That saying couldn't be any truer. Hate is the furthest thing away from the feeling I have. I still have such love in my heart for him which is both a blessing and a curse. Its a blessing because it keeps me from being angry and allows me to remember all the good memories we had. It is a curse because I want to move on and be done, but my heart is not ready to let go. While searching Pinterest, I found an article that sums up what I hope to be able to say one day. Its entitled "To the Guy Who Broke My Heart." You can read it here.

In the meantime, I'm still navigating through a broken heart. To be continued....